Gone
by DanaDanoushka
Summary: 9 weeks, 4 days and 7 hours had passed since it happened. I know that, because that's exactly how long it had taken for Chloe to finally break down...


**A/N: Hey guys. I don't really know where this rather dark story came from...maybe it was in a way inspired by how Amelia deals with Derek's death on Grey's Anatomy (those of you who watched the episodes will probably see some parallels). This is just a little experiment on how to write 1st person narrator but I was also kind of trying to figure out how Chloe would react in such a situation. You'd think she would be very open about it as usual but I thought this was also a possibility. Please enjoy and let me know what you think in a small review :)**

 **-Dana**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the idea...**

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 **Gone**

 **(Beca's POV)**

9 weeks, 4 days and 7 hours had passed since it happened. I know that, because that's exactly how long it had taken for Chloe to finally break down.

I had been forced to watch her get up every morning, acting like nothing had happened, and get to classes. I had watched her at the funeral a few weeks ago, had seen her comfort her devastated mom and dad.

I have been there for her the whole time, offering to talk or just my shoulder to cry on, but she didn't seem to care, didn't seem to need me so I left her alone after a while. She had always insisted she was fine, but she was fooling no one, except herself. It was only a matter of time till she got out of her state of shock, I had been certain of it.

This was just not normal for the redhead. Bottling up her emotions like this couldn't be good. Even I knew that (and I was no big fan of being too open about my feelings). But this behavior would sooner or later destroy my best friend.

But what could I do? Chloe was shutting me out and I didn't know how to deal with that. She had never shut anyone out like that before and it was scaring the crap out of me, out of all of us. She had insisted we continue our Bellas rehearsals only two days after he had died. We all were not too happy with that, but her almost crazy eyes had made us all agree in the end.

We wanted to let her grieve in her own way. But no rehearsal went by without at least a dozen exchanged worried looks between the rest of us. The girls had all attempted to talk to her, just like me (even Amy had tried her best without any inappropriate comments). But she wouldn't listen.

It got to the point where I called Aubrey and had her talk to her. Afterwards the blonde had told me just to wait and be ready to catch her before she falls, she didn't know what else to do either. Aubrey frickin' Posen didn't know how to deal with Chloe. That alone was so insane, I was getting more scared every day, waiting for my friend to fall apart. And then it actually happened.

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 _*2 hours earlier*_

My shift at the radio station had ended early today at around 5pm (thank god we hired that freshman). I was really exhausted from my English exam that morning so I was just looking forward to working on some music at home. Maybe I could convince Chloe to help me but my hopes were not too high. She had been avoiding to do stuff like that with me lately and confronting her about it had not ended well (she had been mad at me for two days for accusing her of that).

As I was walking down the hallway, already fiddling with my keys, I heard a loud noise coming directly from our dorm. I walked a little faster and burst through the open door. I was in no way prepared for the sight in front of me.

The room was a complete mess. The stuff from my desk was all on the ground along with a couple of empty beer cans, pillows were lying around, and the furniture was not where it was supposed to be. Lying over our now broken glass coffee table was Chloe, mumbling incoherent things to herself. She was with her back to me but I could make out that she had a bottle of Jack next to her, the rest of its content now on the floor.

"Chloe?" I just stood in the doorframe, unable to move. Her head shot up and she slowly turned in my direction. Her hair and make-up were a mess and she could barely control her limbs anymore.

"Oh, hey, Becaaa! Welcome to my party!" She slurred the words and I was seriously wondering how much she's had.

"I tripped over the table." She pointed at it and muttered under her breath, "Stupid table." She mainly looked annoyed that this had apparently ruined her evening but suddenly her expression changed. Her lips curved up into a grin before she burst out into a laughing fit. I was still staring at her in shock. I had seen her wasted before but never this crazy. It was horrible to watch. She was laughing so hard by now that she started to cough, her face turning redder by the second.

"You know…" She almost fell over. "I'm laughing because this is just perfect." More giggles. She waved her hands in the air and I caught a glimpse of some blood running down her right wrist. That shook me out of my trance and I took a hesitant step closer.

"Chloe, you-" I was cut off.

"I mean…look at this table, Beca!" She was clearly oblivious to anything I did. "It's shattered. Because of meeee." She pointed a finger at her chest. "Just like..." She exhaled sharply. "Just like Freddie was shattered because of that car driver." She laughed again, throwing back her head. "I know I shouldn't laugh but I-I can't stop." She held her stomach, smearing small drops of blood on her white top. "I sh-should be crying my eyes out and be sad but I can't. It's too much." She struggled to sit up properly but continued rambling. "I mean…it would be natural to be sad…to be mad that someone you love is ripped from your world without warning, without reason!" Her voice was getting higher and higher, her eyes sparkling with insanity, as she now looked directly at me.

"Brothers are not supposed to leave that early! They're supposed to stay there forever! He was supposed to dance at my wedding, to be a cool uncle to my future kids, to have a LIFE!" Her eyes were glistening with tears by now as she continued shouting at me, at the whole world. "Thank you, universe!" She gestured to the ceiling. "Thanks for taking him away from me! I really appreciate it!" She finished, panting.

Chloe was sitting there like a little child, broken and lost. I slowly walked over to her, putting my bag down and knelt beside her. When I put a hand on her shoulder, she jumped at the touch, just now realizing I had come over. She looked up at me with those big, sad, blue eyes and my heart broke at the sight.

"Becs…" Her shaky voice was hoarse. "He's gone."

"I know. I'm so sorry, Chlo." I said with all honesty.

"He won't come back…right?" She silently begged me to disagree but I told her the truth,

crushing her irrational hopes. "No." My quiet voice broke.

Tears started streaming down her cheeks as she leaned forward into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, putting a hand in her hair, just keeping her close. She grabbed the fabric of my shirt, holding on for dear life. I didn't even think about the tears or the blood stains on my shirt.

To be honest, I was crying a little, too. Her misery was simply too much to take. I felt Chloe shiver uncontrollably with every new wave of sobs. It was like she was almost choking on her pain. I just tightened my grip and held her steady.

After what seemed like an eternity, she finally stopped sobbing and relaxed in my arms a bit. I pulled away and looked at her tear stained face with worry.

"Come on, Chloe. Let's get you cleaned up." With that I gently pulled her up with me, careful not to further hurt her (or myself) with the glass, and put a supporting arm around her waist. I led her to the bathroom and sat her on the rim of the bathtub to help her into some fresh clothes. She suddenly started to cough and I was just in time to help her throw up into the toilet. I knelt beside her, holding back her hair and rubbing her back soothingly.

When she was done, I decided there was no other option than to put her in the shower with the mixture of blood, booze, make-up and now vomit on her skin. Once I got her ready and helped her inside, I turned on the hot water. Usually I would have been embarrassed to help someone shower but I was really just trying to make this easier for her. She would do the same for me without thinking about it only for a second.

Neither of us said a word the whole time. Chloe was just letting me do my thing. She let me dry her hair afterwards and I helped her get into her favorite hoodie and sweatpants. I took care of her wrist next, realising that it had looked worse than it actually was. She wouldn't even need stitches.

When I was finally satisfied with my work I helped her stand up and was about to lead her to her bedroom when she suddenly leaned forward, embracing me once again. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she rested her head on my shoulder. I hugged her back immediately, knowing this was her way to say thank you.

I then led her to her bed, gently tucking her in. "I'll be right back, okay?" She nodded absently, looking not too happy to let me leave. When I returned a few moments later, also dressed in fresh clothes, I turned off the lights and crawled in next to her, making myself comfortable. She immediately snuggled up in my side, hugging me sideways. She rested her head in the crook of my neck, burying her face in my hair.

"I'm gonna miss him so much." She whispered in my ear. It was the first time she spoke since breaking down right in front of me about an hour ago. I swallowed hard before replying.

"I know. But I'll be there for you the whole time. You can always talk to me, you know?"

"You're not gonna leave, too?" Panic rose in her voice as that thought hit her. I felt her shoulders tense immediately.

"I'm not going anywhere, Chlo. Promise." I gently stroked her hair and felt her body relax again.

"G-good. I can't lose you, too." I was at loss for words. I just held her closer (if that was even possible) until I felt her relax even more. After a while, her soft breathing slowed down and evened out, indicating she was falling asleep. I just hoped she could have one peaceful slumber for once.

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 **A/N: So I had an idea for a second chapter but it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to so I decided to leave this as a one-shot. Sorry, but it just wasn't good.**

 **Thanks for reading and the positive response though :) I really appreciate it**

 **-D**


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